Friday, January 3, 2014
Earlier this week, I couldn't sleep. four out of five nights, I slept like shit. Sorry. No sugar coating tonight.
I was EXCITED! I had goals. I had plans. I had so many ideas running through my head that I would wake up to pee (I'm addicted to water, I can't help it), and not fall back to sleep for at least an hour (so annoying) because I had so many ideas and exciting things going through my mind!
I had been planning my goals. I even wrote them ON PAPER! I never write my goals on paper. That like, makes them real and stuff. Who wants that?!?
So I have a TON of goals for 2014. And I'm even writing monthly goals. Seriously, who am I?!?! I bought a life planner to keep me organized. It's been in ship-mode since Christmas Eve. Today is Jan. 2. I hate you, fedex! But I'm soooo excited to get my hands on it!
And then shit happens.
As it always does.
You have these plans. You have these things that are going to be incredible and life changing and amazing for 2014.
And then your dog gets hit by a car on New Years Eve.
And then you're faced with his life or death decisions.
And you die on the inside.
And you see all of these goals and plans, that of COURSE involved him because he's been your most bestest boy ever for ten years...you see those plans differently...because he won't be there.
And it hurts. It hurts so very deeply.
And the choice you make...you hope it's the right one. Even if it hurts you, you hope it saves his pain. Because I never ever ever ever wanted him to feel pain.
I love you, Buddy. So very much. You are my Diesl Boy forever and ever and I love you. Thank you for being my best boy ever!