|I love grain silos...|
I've mentioned before that I'm the sunshine giver. People count on me to help lift them up, fill them up when they are down. And doing this give me great joy. I am happy to help people, friends, family, acquaintances, strangers. It's what I do and what I love
I had the opportunity to meet with my Advocare leader this weekend. D is a woman I had never met in person but admire very much. She has a kind soul and is very uplifting...always. We were talking about strength...and the fact that I think I left mine in Spain. Through a few tears, I realized that I am giving to people as I normally do, and still loving doing that, but I'm not being refilled. And it's starting to wear on me. Before Spain, I was so very strong, knew exactly who, what, where, how and when. No questions. And I had everything to give everyone.
Today, I'm tired. Part of it is physical exhaustion...I can't get enough sleep, no many how many hours I'm in bed. But more so, my heart and soul are depleted. I joke that I left them in Spain, but in all actuality, I think I may have done just that. And I'm struggling with that right now.
So the questions I'm currently asking myself:
- what is the new thing (because current stuff apparently isn't working) that I need to refill my strength?
-what do I need to do to accomplish this new goal, or reach this new level of strength?
-what is the timeframe? How much longer am I going to allow myself to wallow in this pit? Because I've been here for a month and a half...time to get back on dry land.
So yeah...just thoughts I'm having on this Sunday evening. It's been a great weekend, I've had great conversations with wonderful friends, and enjoyed every second of every day this weekend. But there's still something missing. And I'm now on a mission to find it.
Soon, Courage, Bravery and Strength will again fill my soul.
Have an awesome day!